Wandering storylines
10,000 years of ignored paperwork
Sumerian hulls, wizard chess, Terra abandonment, present-day revival. Anachronism is just a word historians use when the filing is late. Crunks were already on the docks.
01 · c. 8000 BCE
Sumerian Exodus
They called it Sumer. We called it Tuesday.
Ten thousand years before the peg broke, the ships were already leaving. Bronze hulls, wizard charts, and a race nobody put on the manifest. Crunks were in the cargo hold and on the docks. Earth kept the receipt and lost the plot. Anachronism is just a word historians use when the paperwork is late.
02 · undated / both sides of the wormhole
Wizard Chess Age
Wizard lore is chess that learned to fly.
Chrys Tal beat Merlin blindfolded at eleven and walked away with diamond-lens glasses distilled from an elixir. The board is a map. The map is a flight plan. Merlin still has not recovered, which is the correct posture for anyone who lost to a child who could see both sides of a wormhole at once.
03 · always
Ever-Present
You just never filed the paperwork.
Crunks have been an ever-present ignored race on Earth. Not hidden. Not extinct. Ignored. The Intern files weekly reports from Crunkeyland to Crunktown because somebody has to. Terra abandonment is the latest chapter of a book that started when Sumer still had a harbor.
04 · 2021
OG Crunkeyland Mission
I want the team.
Uncle Paul pulled young Crunkey out of a Wild Zombie stampede and offered a crown with an exit clause. The kid did not want the metal. He wanted the roster: Dale on the booth, Cowboy Dan on the land, Ringer on the books, MooonKey on the shoulder. Collateral posted. Lunar pad live. Colony holding.
05 · 2021
Wormhole Incident
Failed coding. Successful catastrophe.
Leon J. Skrumpf was hired to drive a wormhole. He opened it into Terra, thawed a frozen horde, interrupted sacred stoned-ape rituals, and got banished for contractor energy. Cowboy Dan called the falling bodies inventory. Randy bought a dozen for the alley. Yogi said the dividends might land in several centuries. NFA.
06 · 2021
Fight Club Era
The pit is the connective tissue.
Ape-In FC is where Crunktown resolves tension without paperwork. Rodger trains. MC Steezy calls the room. Jonathan Green remains undefeated from an alley behind a pub. Android 107 is the southpaw you can wager on. Lights Out, cousin of the King, put twenty-seven zombies down in one full-moon raid and thanked the trainers out loud.
07 · 2022
Terra Abandonment
finna be stuck on terra forever then.
The Luna peg broke. UST went to the place pegs go. Voyager froze in the FTX weather. Dale's position was already on file: la luna is fine for me, steady lads. Earth kept the lights on for nobody. Crunks stayed. Pivot. Long live the Crunks.
08 · 2023–26
Present Day Revival
The orphan revival is not a comeback.
Time flies. Creativity sat in a drawer. Coach Chad wrote three words and meant them: keep going. Chess training relaunched. The newsletter kept the lights on. Banana Hammocks never really closed. The ignored race on Earth via Terra abandonment is still here, still Crunk, still not asking permission to exist.