Coffee for Dessert · Issues 00–05
Orphan revival through present day. Ten thousand years of wizard lore, Sumerian hulls, and an ignored race that never left Earth after Terra abandonment.
“Keep going.” The mythology and the newsletter are running the same play. Zombie wrangling is a supply chain. Fight club is rehab. Classic contractor energy.
The rack
No. 00Sumerian Exodus
Ten thousand years of wizard lore, Sumerian hulls, and a chain that folded while Earth kept the lights on for nobody.
c. 8000 BCE / 2022 · Unopened
No. 01OG Crunkeyland Mission
Uncle Paul puts a crown in a kid's hands. Ringer posts the collateral. Crunkeyland leaves for the lunar pad.
2021 · Unopened
No. 02Wormhole Incident
Leon J. Skrumpf, failed coding, successful catastrophe. Frozen zombies become inventory.
2021 · Unopened
No. 03Fight Club Era
The pit is rehabilitation, inventory, and eleven percent Cowboy Dan. Hands up.
2021 · Unopened
No. 04RingLeader Books
Talent. Zombies. Alley shows. The book that collateralized a crown.
2021–22 · Unopened
No. 05Present Day Revival
Luna peg broke. Voyager froze. Creativity sat in a drawer. The ignored race never left.
2023–26 · Unopened
Featured cast
King on the pad. Dale on the booth. Cowboy Dan on the forest. Ringer on the books. The intern files what Earth never did.
#3869
Orphan King · Lunar Pad
#8892
Vibe Regulator · UNDRGRND
#3211
Land Manager · Zombie Wrangler
#1017
Wizard Chess Champion
#2873
Talent Scout · RingLeader
#7600
IAF Wormhole Driver
#7499
27 Zombie KOs · Cousin of the King
#8082
Chronicler · Brose o'Ghost
Faction reels
CrunkeyLand runs the pad. RingLeader runs the book. Same play, two offices, fifty seconds of pixel bodies that never clocked out.
CrunkeyLand Cast
King, Dale, Chrys Tal, Steady Lad, Disco Dan, Ziggy Zug, Lights Out, Ginger, Intern, Pad Security.
RingLeader Investments
Randy, Curb Courier, MC Steezy, Laugh Track, Green Market, Steve, Hazey, Android 107, Jonathan Green, Rodger.
Dispatches · @11brose
Vibe Regulator. Banana Hammocks. Instant classics off the Meaningwave warp drive. La luna is fine for him, steady lads.
@11brose · 2026-07-15
..finna be stuck on terra forever then..la luna is fine for me, steady lads! ps/ where's do kween?
@11brose · 2026-06-11
Fyeah man, keep on keepin on!!
@11brose · 2026-07-15
old skool banger #lunatics
@11brose · 2026-05-21
This post represents fifty-five hundred tweets. ..go on now, like sum, or check the blog
@11brose · 2026-07-03
Wait wut..ANSEM's friends are all about to leave rich???
@11brose · 2026-07-15
..i didn't deserve it..
Wandering lore
c. 8000 BCE
Ten thousand years before the peg broke, the ships were already leaving. Bronze hulls, wizard charts, and a race nobody put on the manifest. Crunks were in the cargo hold and on the docks. Earth kept the receipt and lost the plot. Anachronism is just a word historians use when the paperwork is late.
undated / both sides of the wormhole
Chrys Tal beat Merlin blindfolded at eleven and walked away with diamond-lens glasses distilled from an elixir. The board is a map. The map is a flight plan. Merlin still has not recovered, which is the correct posture for anyone who lost to a child who could see both sides of a wormhole at once.
always
Crunks have been an ever-present ignored race on Earth. Not hidden. Not extinct. Ignored. The Intern files weekly reports from Crunkeyland to Crunktown because somebody has to. Terra abandonment is the latest chapter of a book that started when Sumer still had a harbor.